Emmett vs Newborn Bella
by anoushka.natasha.x
Summary: Ever wonder what would happen if Emmett asked for a re-match after the arm-wrestle? I did, this is my take on what could happen... includes Edward and Bella fluff. 1st attempt at humour. ever. enjoy! R&R please


Emmett vs. Newborn Bella

**Ever wonder what would happen if Emmett asked for a re-match after the arm-wrestle? I did, this is my take on what could happen...inc. ExB fluff. 1st attempt at humour. ever. Be kind, enjoy :) **

**playlist: lots and lots of Bloc Party, with a wee bit of Kate Nash. (i have no idea why...)**

**Disclaimer: as usual, I do not own anything in this story, except the punctuation. that is mine dammit! :P **

**A.N. ok guys, this took forever to do, my procrastination skills had much to do with it and the pretty snow outside and facebook and flatmates making me go out... but its finally done :)**

Bella's pov

It was a surprisingly quiet afternoon at the main Cullen house, which suited me just fine. The more time I got to spend with my family the better, especially under calm, normal circumstances. Carlise and Esme had taken advantage of this fact and gone to visit the Deanali clan for a few weeks, and to thank them for their help. I could tell the lack of activity was getting to my eldest brother-in-law, who was growing more and more restless as the day wore on. I looked up from my daughter's beautiful face, who was playing in my lap, at the sound of my husband's agitated voice.

"Emmett, if you are bored, go _do_ something about it, do not sit and think of ridiculous ways of amusing yourself by using my daughter a your own personal cannon, cinema, or any other idiotic idea that would most likely cause _you_ more harm from me, than it would ever Renesmee." I snapped my head over to Emmett, who didn't know whether to look pleased with himself at the thought of irritating Edward or guilty at using my daughter as an aid to his destructive past times.

"And don't" Edward was growling now, "think of all the things you could do with Rosalie instead." At this, Renesmee looked up at me confused, reaching her hand up to my cheek; asking me, in her way, _is Uncle Emmett was going to use Aunty Rosalie as a cannon? Because if he does, he will ruin her pretty hair. _Beaming at her at the last sentence, as Rosalie hit her husband. Probably in reaction to the fact that she factored in as a back-up amusement in favour of practically torturing her niece.

I laughed in response to Renesmee's question, but it was answered by Edward before I even opened my mouth. "No he isn't," he growled, glaring at Emmett. "He's going to do something much more stupid than that." I looked in my husband's beautiful eyes in question, who in response shook his head. Indicating I would find out soon enough.

"Oh! Well this may be interesting." Alice jumped up clapping her hands in glee. At this point, I'd had enough and wanted to know what was going on, I turned my head once again towards Edward and gave him an exasperated look.

Edward's pov

I stared into Bella's shining, questioning eyes. _Explain please? I need to know I should remove our daughter from the kid in the corner._ I still couldn't quite get over the feeling of ecstasy that welled up inside me every time Bella lifted her shield and allowed me into her thoughts, even for the briefest of moments. I felt privileged that I was able to share and experience another part of this beautiful creature's existance.

I began to explain what my 'bright ideas' brother had in mind for us when i was interrupted by Emmett. "He is planning on..."

"A rematch!" The oaf finished dramatically, a huge idiotic, triumphant grin on his face. Bella switched her gaze from me to Emmett, then back again. I was once more blinded by her perfection, even if it was contorted in a more bemused expression than before.

I sighed and rolled my eyes, while Emmett was formulating the finishing touches to his brilliant plan. "Well, my dear sis. Seeing as how I never managed to beat you since your fluke win at our last tryst, that was very close may I point out. I've decided we are going to see who really is the stronger of us. No pathetically easy 'arm-wrestling match', this will be a manly competition. No offence Bella, but that's just who is going to win." Again with the stupid grin.

I glanced around the room, scanning all the faces and minds of my family. Emmett was practising his victory song, which he was making up.

_Emmett is the best,_

_so much better than the rest._

_Eddie and Bellie are crying,_

_cos Emmett is the one shining._

_Not like Gaydward in the sun,_

_but now everyone thinks it shines out my..._

I turned my attention towards Jasper who looked vaguely interested, and his thoughts mirrored his expression. _I wonder who would win? Bella did last time. However, her newborn year is almost over, would that make a difference?_

Rosalie had become bored with the conversation, as it no longer included her and was wondering if she would be able to highlight and style Renesmee's hair_. She would probably look so cute with a bit of colouring and maybe a fringe, with layers and possibly... _I growled softly at her musings, quick to inform her that no one was to touch a single hair on my daughter's head, be it for the sake of anger or fashion.

Alice was the most annoying of my siblings, I guess in order to keep the victor a surprise she was listing hundreds of couture outfits that would look "extremely cute" on Renesmee and all the stores she would buy them from, in Russian. I softly growled. _Damn pixie._

I glanced up at Rosalie, whose thoughts had once again turned towards my daughter. She had was holding Renesmee in her arms, this shocked me, I must have been concentrating a lot on Alice's thoughts to not notice the movement.

"Come on cutie, we don't need to watch mummy beat silly Uncle Emmett to a pulp do we? Let's go and play dress up!" I didn't try and repress my laughter as she rolled her eyes in Emmett's direction, showing him clearly what she thought of the situation. Renesmee squealed in delight as Rosalie raced up the stairs with her.

Apparently I wasn't the only one who thought Rosalie's prediction wasn't accurate as Bella and Alice both giggled, even Jasper was smirking in Emmett's direction. His growl only making the rest of us more amused. "Oh, c'mon Em! Enough of this macho, masculine stuff." Alice pleaded, although infuriatingly, still not giving anything away.

"No it's all right. I haven't trained in a while, let's see what I can do." Bella spoke more to me than Alice. Even after everything that has happened, she still knew how protective I was over her. Undeniable strength and speed forgotten when anything threatened her amazing existence in my life.

"Yes!" Emmett jumped to his feet, causing a few of Esme's ornaments to rattle slightly. I rolled my eyes, _could he be any more like an overgrown child?_ "Well, if everyone would wait here for a second, in exited anticipation no doubt, then make your way outside to... Emmett's Trial of Doom!" He said the last sentence with such force the whole house shuddered, both girls had to suppress giggles again. Rosalie's thoughts mirrored mine, exasperation and irritation at his childish nature; hers were more heated though.

Apparently while I was listing upstairs, Emmett had already gone outside, set up his 'trial' and returned to the house. "Let the battle commence!" His booming voice shook me from listening to a conversation Renesmee and Rosalie were having about 'silly Uncie Emmett'. Smiling I took Bella's hand, which she moved to wrap around he waist. I kissed the top of her head, smiling down at her shining eyes as we walked out of the house after Alice, Jasper and a buzzing Emmett.

All of us except Emmett froze when we saw what he had turned the drive and garden into. It resembled an army training camp, I flickered my attention to Alice and Jasper which was pointless as they had no thoughts remotely helpful in abating my growing worry. "Oh, Emmett!" My Bella's voice managed to stop the visions of her being broken in hundreds of horrific ways, "what's all this?" waving her delicate arm in reference to the surroundings, I felt my face contort with pain, she looked so _fragile_.

"Do you honestly need all this to beat me? I thought you were positive you would win, why on earth do you need these things to beat me?" I looked up at my wife in shock, her eyes were shining mischievously. _What is she saying?_ "Or are you not as confident as you look?" She grinned, I knew what she was doing. If Emmett lost, he could blame it on the army gear. But if they fought like normal, there would be no doubt Bella was stronger than him, at least for now. I looked over at my brilliant wife in awe, who was smiling with satisfaction at Emmett's loud growls. She really was extraordinary.

I heard Rosalie's laughter from inside the house, she clearly saw the funny side. We all waited patiently while Emmett deliberated. He finally gave in a cleared an area by the river in record time. Bella smiled triumphantly as she leant over to kiss me before moving towards Emmett. I grabbed her when I felt her pull away and deepened the kiss and let her go when my brother growled impatiently, not before gazing into her deep golden eyes. They may have changed colour, but their ability to make me lose myself in them still held. Chuckling softly to myself I walked towards the house, stopping when I heard Alice's confused thoughts at my action.

_Why are you going? It's gong to be good. _Her excitement clearly showing.

I replied softly, "I don't need to see it, I know who's going to win."

_Oh! I thought I was blocking you so well, how did you find out?" _

I smiled, "_You_ didn't give anything away, I know Bella, she will win." There was no worry for my wife's safety or fragility in my voice, only certainty and faith in Bella and what she conveyed to me through her eyes. She would not be harmed at all. That was enough for me.

As I walked into the house I heard several loud, ground shaking crashes followed by a splash, or rather a tsunami. When I reached the clearing, followed closely by Rosalie and Renesmee, I found the source of the crashes and water.

Bella was standing with Alice and Jasper, who were completely unable to control their laughter, surrounded by three large oak trees. Bella seemed untouched. _But where's Emme... Oh!_

"I told you Uncle Emmett was silly, didn't I Nessie?" Rosalie called over my shoulder, making sure Emmett could hear her loud and clear. "Uncie Emmett got all wet!" Renesmee screeched with musical laughter.

Emmett had somehow ended up in the river, apparently Bella had thrown him in with a lot of force as he had most of the river bed on him. And no doubt created a rather big hole in the bottom. _That's my girl. _I flashed my 'dazzling' grin at her as I placed my arm around her waist as she beamed at me.

"Sh...She cheated!"

"Oh Emmett, you'll have plenty of time to beat her when she _isn't _stronger than you."

Rosalie ran off after Renesmee, as she had apparently become 'bored of the grown up's'.

Alice showed me the disastrous scuffle between Bella and Emmett from her vision, apparently Bella could fight just as dirty as her brother-in-law I noted. She had made the first move; rushing him when he wasn't ready, from then on it was almost painful to watch. Her attacks powerful and vindictive were made to cause pain, whereas Emmett just wanted to overpower her. It was easy to tell why she had won.

"_So, what did you think?_" Bella had appeared by my side, her eyes were dancing with smug amusement.

"I think Emmett is definitely never going to live this down." My mind wandered over to Emmett, his thoughts mirroring mine but with more profanities in an absurd amount of languages. It was impressive and almost frightening, if it wasn't so comical.

Bella and I returned to the house where Rosalie was waiting for us before she attended to Emmett's bruised ego. I expertly lifted Renesmee from Rose's embrace and spun her around in a flourish. _He's going to be majorly pissed isn't he? _Rosalie rolled her eyes as she went to find her husband, mentally grumbling about how he will probably ruin her clothes with the river water.

_Is mummy the strongest now? Can we go and play now? _I looked down to see my daughter's deep chocolate eyes staring back into mine expectantly. I chuckled softly.

"Yes mummy is strong, stronger than Uncle Emmett and we can all play now." Bella giggled softly next to me as Emmett roared from outside.

"That was mean." Se chided, as I flashed a wide grin. I didn't care, it was funny to everyone except Emmett. I could still hear Alice and Jasper replaying every moment in their heads and freezing on Emmett's facial expressions in response to each of Bella's attacks.

She had proved in spectacular fashion that Emmett could be beaten without any gifts, or cheating as he often referred to them. And the fact that it had been little, breakable Bella was just icing on the incredibly humorous cake. Even Rose, who would deal with the brunt of Emmett's bad mood could still see the funny side.

"Well, I guess that puts an end to all this." Bella was tickling Nessie's stomach.

I began to laugh as I found that Emmett was not planning on letting this go. "Well, that's not entirely true..." Confusion clouded my wife's breathtaking face as I took our daughter from her arms.

I managed to remove myself and Renesmee from the danger zone as Emmett, letting an ear-splitting roar loose charged towards Bella, grinning wildly. Bella flashed her own devilish smile in response and turned ready for round two.

**Well, I'm not really sure about this now that i've finished, but it took me so long that I'm going to post it anyway, so let me know that you think.**** Even to tell me that it was shocking and you would probably hunt me down and shoot me if I ever attempted at writing humour fic again. :D x**


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